Therapy Support for Jealousy
- Vicki Soar
- Mar 17
- 4 min read
Recently I have noticed more people seeking support for challenges around jealous thoughts, to reduce the impact it can have on their mental health and relationships. These feelings can carry shame and stigma, making them difficult to discuss openly. My hope in writing about this is to spread awareness that this can be supported in therapy and help is available.
Jealousy can be deeply painful. For the person experiencing it, it can trigger feelings of insecurity, shame, or a sense of powerlessness over recurring thoughts. They can be hyper-vigilant, easily triggered, respond in unkind ways out of fear and feel unsure of how to change the pattern. Meanwhile, partners may feel accused, anxious on what to do and worried about how their partner might react to everyday scenarios. Over time, these patterns can erode trust and connection on both sides. Although it’s a topic rarely discussed openly, this can be a common problem for both men and women.
When Jealousy becomes a problem
Jealousy is a normal human emotion, it can even sometimes highlight what is meaningful. For some, however, these thoughts and feelings simply do not pass, it can become repetitive, intrusive, and distressing. The brain can even begin to interpret jealous thoughts as a threat and activate the fight, flight or freeze response. The mind can become trapped in loops of analysing, comparing, or questioning, which often feel urgent and “important.” The harder the mind tries to solve these thoughts or ‘push the feeling’ away, the stronger and more persistent it can become, a pattern supported by research on rumination and anxiety (Nolen-Hoeksema, 2000).
Understanding the Thought Loop
When these thought patterns become a problem they often follow a familiar cycle:
An intrusive jealous thought appears
Anxiety or distress rises
The mind attempts to solve the thought through rumination, questioning, or checking
Temporary relief occurs
The thought returns
Over time, the brain may treat the thought as a threat that requires immediate attention, perpetuating the cycle. Breaking this loop requires learning new ways to respond when the thought arises. Neuroscience offers hope: the brain has neuroplasticity, meaning its neural pathways can change (Doidge, 2007). While repeated rumination strengthens certain pathways, intentional practice of new skills can create alternative, healthier patterns.
Learning to Unhook from Thoughts
At Soar Art Therapy, I draw on multiple therapy models, including psychodynamic approaches, art and ACT. These approaches help clients develop psychological flexibility - the ability to notice thoughts and emotions without being ruled by them (Hayes et al., 2006).
We work at a pace that feels safe and supportive, building practical, and evidence based psychological skills to defuse and respond differently to these thoughts and feelings. To change the relationship with thoughts, rather than struggling against them.
Creative approaches
In session a range of different approaches can be used to develop new psychological skills. Some clients prefer primarily talking based sessions, while others may use creative approaches in their therapy. As a side note no previous skill or experience is required and I guide clients through the why and what we are doing. We work together as a team and discuss skills before trying them.
Art therapy can be particularly helpful for individuals who feel stuck in repetitive thought patterns or intense emotional states. It can help achieve new perspectives and re-engage the parts of the brain that are less active during distress.
In sessions, we focus on building the foundation for new neural pathways. When a person becomes triggered by jealousy and shifts into a fight, flight, or freeze response, certain areas of the brain become less active, while others become more heightened to threat. Creative expression can support both regulation and gradual rewiring of these patterns.
This does not mean that clients need to create art each time they feel jealous. Rather, the intention is that the skills developed within sessions become integrated across multiple systems in the brain, making them more accessible in everyday life.
In essence the creative process is utilised to:
Re-engage and rewire the part of the brain that is perceiving jealous thoughts as a threat.
To gain a greater awareness and understanding of what is happening and create solutions aligned to the persons values
Interrupt rigid thinking patterns
Help the person learn new ways to regulate their nervous system and regain control of their bodies
Encourage curiosity rather than fear toward thoughts
Build a persons psychological skills so they can live a meaningful life aligned with their values
Support Options
For all therapy approaches used they are applied to help the person:
Understand difficult thought patterns
Learn practical skills for responding differently
Use creative expression to process emotions (if they want to explore this option)
Reconnect with personal values and meaningful life directions
If you’re interested in learning more, or would like to book individual therapy sessions for yourself or a loved one who may be struggling, please feel free to contact:
If you’d like to learn more about the ACT model but aren’t ready to seek therapy support yet, I recommend exploring The Happiness Trap. It offers many helpful and free resources to get you started.
References
Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. Viking.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press.
Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Psychology, 109(3), 504–511.
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